Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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