Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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