he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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