I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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