My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
