I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
All the doctor said was why
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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