Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
