They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i need to put some appletini on your dick
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize