Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
