you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Alive.
So much puke
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
