Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
