Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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