My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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