So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My dick has a subreddit
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.