i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
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I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet