I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.