you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
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I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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