no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
did i just pee glitter