I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss