I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If you need anything just hit me up
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.