I only kidnapped one of them. chill
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think im going to throw up on grandma
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!