Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!