happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
