His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
