Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
