i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
