Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
