I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
