3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
