Tell her she can't have a vagina
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
