i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
