even my farts smell like vagina
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
