I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i would punch a child for taco bell
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
