there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
