what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
