Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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