being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
