I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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