Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
