i will never coherently bang her
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
