omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
