Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Girls should come with a carfax report
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize