If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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