I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
