What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
