my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
