You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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