I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
