Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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