I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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