Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
