Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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