its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
