Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
