my room smells like sperm. sweet.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
