dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
