So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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