So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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