none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
