remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
