Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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