Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
