The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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