i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
