i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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