Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
