don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
