R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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