Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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