Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize