things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
