alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
