i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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