Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
