You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
